Zombieland: Genius or Failure?

image via LA Times

It’s been a week since I’ve seen Zombieland, and I’m still struggling on a “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” review. On one hand, this movie attracted thousands of uniformed civilians to the genre and successfully planted apocalypse seeds in their minds. However, for die-hard zombie fans, the movie felt more like a mockery of zombie movie canon. So, I’ve decided to put together a pros and cons list to help.

Pros

• Doesn’t Take Itself Seriously.
  • Arcade style zombie-killing sprees, little zombie girls in princess costumes, machine guns and hummers. This movie can definitely take a joke.
• Famous Actor Cameo.
  • Not to spoil the surprise, but a certain half-hour special appearance takes Pro #1 to a whole new level.
• Zombie Rules
  • Rule #1: Cardio, Rule #2: Double Tap, Rule #3: Beware of Bathrooms, etc. Learn them, live them. These will save your life.
• Simplicity
  • If you’re looking for a thought-provoking movie with developed characters and meaningful subplots, this movie is not it. If you’re looking for a road trip movie with lots of zombie killings, this movie exceeds expectations.

Cons

• Michael Cera
  • Ok, so it’s actually Cera’s clone, Jesse Eisenberg. Unfortunately, the movie takes a turn for the worse in the middle with the awkward coming-of-age subplot typical to many Cera comedies lately. Poor Eisenberg has to get the last eligible girl in America drunk before she’ll consider him a love interest. Who cares about budding pubescent love during the zombie apocalypse anyway?
• Crude Humor
  • The jokes appeal to a wide audience, but that’s because many of them are about fat people, strippers, little old ladies, etc. Nothing new here, except for the zombie in the background. Also, there’s a strange undertone of racism towards Native Americans.
• Lack of Respect for the Genre
  • Most audience members won’t care about this. And that’s ok. This movie was made for the masses, not a niche audience. But Shaun of the Dead was marketed that way too, and it still held reverence for those who came before it. This is picky, but where was the nod to Romero?

I had some problems with this movie. I probably went in with too many expectations. Any movie that is instantly labeled a “cult classic” draws extra scrutiny from me. But that doesn’t mean this film wasn’t a good time. I’m sure I’ll be watching it again on DVD release. So, just like Harrelson suggests in the movie, it’s time for me to “nut up or shut up.”

The Science of Zombie Survival

Scenario: You must survive a George A. Romero film. You get to choose which one though: do you take refuge in the barn from Night of the Living Dead, or do you risk a mall stakeout like Dawn of the Dead? Science has proven one of these hideouts to be more affective than the other. No, it has nothing to do with the time of day in the title. Its all about physics.

A LiveScience article recently applied the findings of Italian physicist Davide Cassi to the rate of survival of the living dead. Cassi’s research examines “the survival probability of immobile targets annihilated by random walkers.” While the article doesn’t specifically mention zombies, the “random walker” variable could easily be applied to the undead. They have no brains, therefore they will always walk randomly. His conclusion?

“Cassi found that the likelihood of survival when threatened by predatory random walkers is closely related to how complex the prey’s hideout is. The more twists and turns, the safer you’ll be. In structures that are highly complex and irregular, the chances of the predator coming into contact with its target shrinks down to almost zero.”

So, if you plan on camping out for very long, you’d better go with the mall. You have less of a chance of running into the enemy. You’ll also have a lot more supplies at hand. Be sure to ravage the food court and hunting supplies store first. With science on your side, you just might find a way to survive. Good luck!

Welcome to the World of the Living Dead

Some people might say I am obsessed with zombies. Fascinated is probably a better word. I don’t love them; I’m scared to death of them. Ever heard the saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”? Well, zombies are the enemy. That’s why I’ve made it my goal to know them inside and out (at least whatever part of them hasn’t already rotted away). I plan to learn every single facet I can about their existence. How they survive, how they respond to different situations, and most importantly, how they are best killed.

Zombies are your enemy too. But don’t worry. I’ll do the dirty work for you. All the information you need will be compiled right here. From the latest fighting tactics to the newest crop of zombie pop culture, I’ll keep you up-to-date. Consider me the connoisseur of the living dead. And if there’s anything you have questions about, feel free to ask. After all, when the zombie apocalypse begins, I hope to have some partners in crime.